How many of you go home after work and hurry to do all your errands so you are in before dark; or you don’t schedule anything at night where you have to drive very far because you don’t see good enough to drive in the dark? If the sun is setting when you get home, are you in for the evening? Twenty years ago, it didn’t matter to me if it was day or night when I drove. I started driving home from Washington D.C., just two cats and me, at three o’clock in the afternoon and drove across Tennessee all night. It was just a little silver Pontiac Sunfire and eighteen wheelers on the highway at 3 a.m. When I hit 40, everything changed. Now my eyes are no longer young, and they can deceive me while driving in the dark. When meeting lights, I sometimes can’t judge distance. If it is dark and raining, I have trouble seeing the white line to stay on the road when I meet cars. I have also had some close calls with suicidal deer and other of God’s critters at night and occasional flooded streets or black ice.

This Independence Day marks the 250th year since the signing of the Declaration of Independence, which was the birth of a new nation. I’m sure most of you have heard something about it by now. Two hundred and fifty years is just a blip in time if we consider other nations like Italy, England, China, Russia and others with rich histories that go back many hundreds of years. Through the centuries, these nations have undergone many types of government, leaders, economies, enemies, and world status. The United States started as an experiment by a group of highly intelligent and enlightened men who were committing treason against their government and praying that what they were doing would work and wouldn’t get them killed in the most undignified ways. The experiment they started 250 years ago, for the most part, has stayed intact.

Have you ever been to a new place and pulled into McDonalds for lunch because you know what you like there? Do you typically order one of the cheapest things on the menu when in a nice place instead of getting the entrée that looks amazing and costs five dollars more? When you go on vacation do you go shopping and to souvenir shops instead of taking advantage of local activities?

Yes, she’s alive, if anyone has been wondering. It seems that the past year of my life has been on a bullet train to nowhereland, but I am still here. Let me catch you up with the goings on. Looks like I haven’t posted anything since New Year’s. Wooooooow that was like over five months ago. We have a lot of catching up to do. Believe it or not, I have started several of these over the past few months, but I just couldn’t find the words. Writer’s block, I believe they call it, if I were a writer. I hope to be someday. I would get them all about half finished and start to reread them and think no one wants to read this drivel. So it is still in my handy dandy notebook.

2025. There is so much I can say, but I am happy to see it go away. As I sit here on New Year’s Eve again, alone again, I feel a need to review this year in writing, so when I look back someday, I’ll be able to point to where things started going wrong, or maybe even right. This year has come and gone in the blink of an eye but has also travelled on the back of a sloth. I don’t understand it either, but both seem correct to me.

I have been sitting on this one for a few days, for a few reasons. First, I was in shock. I couldn’t understand why someone would choose to kill Charlie Kirk of all people. Yes, he is a MAGA conservative, but there are a lot of them in the media. The different thing about Charlie Kirk that you didn’t get with the others was his focus on young people and his willingness to have a civil conversation. He could give a smirk of satisfaction when someone was being hateful and arrogant with their questions and he came back strong with scripture and verse, or quoting the constitution to put them in their place. I always liked Charlie Kirk. I would see him often on Fox News or on YouTube videos. I was always amazed at how someone that young could know so much about the Bible and government. Over this last week I have learned so much, about Charlie Kirk, the man, about hatred, and about Christians.

I think that probably every generation has those tragic days they remember. They know exactly where they were and what they were doing when they learned of some tragic event. Whether it was when JFK was killed, or Martin Luther King. Or maybe it was Pearl Harbor or the death of Elvis or John Lennon. We all have those moments. I had two. As of yesterday, I now have another. Yesterday, I was at work when I heard some employees talking about Charlie Kirk getting shot. At that time, it was not known that he had died. I didn’t learn that for sure until I turned on the news on my way home from getting a haircut. There are many polarizing political voices out there, who stir up so much hate and vitriol. Charlie Kirk was different. Yes, he had Conservative beliefs and values, but he believed in having conversations. He would listen to the other side and then reasonably counterargue his case. Many times, he left the other person speechless. He never raised his voice, or called people names, or talked down to people. He just wanted to have conversations with college students and persuade them to think differently.

When you get to be in your 50s and are still single, a lot of thoughts go through your head. What is wrong with me? I’m sure everyone thinks I am gay since I have never been married. Why can’t I find someone who would want a good woman like me? Am I too fat? Am I too short? Am I too weird? Have I been written off as a red flag because I have never been married? Are my standards too high? Most women my age have had multiple husbands; all I am asking for is one. I see people who are dirty, vulgar, who don’t take care of themselves, who are compulsive and abusive, and somehow, they always have a man. What am I missing? What is it about me that is a repellant to good available men?

Most days at work, I spend my breaks and lunch at my desk reading the news. I usually start with the Daily Mail and move on to Fox News. Most of the time their hard news stories are close to the same. Most opinions are the opposite. I know that you thought I only listened to one perspective. See, I do have an open mind. This morning, I read a story on Daily Mail about an American millionaire, big game trophy hunter, who was gored to death by a Cape buffalo in South Africa, while the man was trying to shoot it. Yes, my first thought was, “way to go, buffalo.” I know that was not the best love of my fellow man thing to think, but there it was. Also in this article was a photo of this man posing struggling to hold up a dead mountain lion that he had killed. He had the biggest smile on his face, and I just grew hot with anger. When I saw that picture, that fellow man meant very little to me. I was happy for him to pay for his sin. Before you want to have me committed, I am aware I have a problem. I know that God puts the lives of man above that of animals. My heart just breaks when an animal dies at the hands of man for no reason besides bragging rights and a head on the wall.

I made a list of five things I was going to accomplish this weekend, things I have been needing to do for a while that just keeps getting put on a back burner. I finished everything yesterday except for posting to my blog. For those of you who read it and may be wondering what has happened to me, I am okay. Life has been beating me up a little physically, mentally, and emotionally over the past few months, but I have faith and hope that it is just one of those lulls in life and things will look up soon. I have been there before and I’m sure if I live long enough, I will be there again. But hey, things are looking up in some areas. So let me catch you up, and hopefully I can start fresh on my next post and if I refer to something that is going on, you will know what I am talking about.

Many people have asked me how I am doing and how things are at work. This isn’t easy to talk about as you will see as this goes but let me just be as transparent and as open as I can be. I am not good. We are not good. Work is not good. It is to the point that we no longer say, “How are you?”, we say, “Are you ok?”

I don’t do much on Facebook anymore. I rarely find anything more than advertisements for food delivery plans and weight loss gimmicks, or politics. Occasionally I find something that amuses me or amazes me or makes me think. Today as I was scrolling, I heard the voice of Sir Anthony Hopkins, so I listened. Anthony Hopkins is one of my favorite celebrities. I’m sure we don’t agree on everything, but he loves cats and is a brilliant actor, and I have found several of these thought-provoking episodes he has posted. I really liked this one and thought I would share.