Let it Go

It seems like every day on the calendar is National (something) Day. When you hear them often enough it gets a little crazy and easy to ignore. In June alone, we have National Game Show Day, National Black Bear Day, National Bubbly Day, National Nail Polish Day, National Prairie Day, National Olive Day, National Hazelnut Cake Day, National Pen Pal Day, National Say Something Nice Day, National Trails Day, National Go Barefoot Day, and National Heimlich Maneuver Day. Oh yeah, and all of those fell on June 1, 2024. How many of those did you know about? How many did you celebrate?

In researching for this post, I did learn that National Hug Your Cat Day is June 4, so I think I will put that one on my calendar for the future, although my sweet cat gets hugs on most days anyway. Some others that caught my interest were: National Start Over Day – June 5, National Chocolate Ice Cream Day – June 7, National German Chocolate Cake Day – June 11, National Fudge Day – June 16, National Cherry Tart Day – June 17, National Garfield the Cat Day - June 19, National Kissing Day – June 22 (and I actually got kissed that day this year 😊), and there are so many others. By now, I know you are probably thinking, “Ok, Robbie, where is this going?”  I’m almost there.

Sunday, June 23, was National Let it Go Day. I learned about this one because a co-worker sent a group message with a question mark asking if it was about Frozen. My thought was, “Huh, that one sounds interesting.” So, I started reading about it.

According to https://nationaltoday.com, “Thomas and Ruth Roy of Wellcat Holidays & Herbs are said to be the founders of the National Let It Go Day. They knew that many people live with the burden of regretful situations that quietly, yet constantly, weigh them down. The day was created to motivate people throughout the world to forgive themselves for happenings in the past and let go of their worries. It aims to highlight the ways to find positivity, contentment, and peace in life.”

I think most of us probably have those things in our past that we regret, the things we think about when we are alone that we wish we could go back and do over; those things we did or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do, that just eats us up. Many times, something will weigh us down for years and years and then one day we get the opportunity to address the situation and apologize for the mistake that we are sure was the reason a friendship was damaged, only to find out the other person doesn’t even remember the incident we are referencing. We could have let it go years ago and saved ourselves much worry and heartache.

There are also those times when others hurt us and all we want to do is prove to them how wrong they were about us, or how much better off we are without them in our lives. We allow them to live rent free in our heads while they live their lives and probably don’t give a second thought to us. If we could just let it go, it would no longer hurt us, as it is certainly not hurting anyone else. I do realize that doing this is much more difficult than it sounds.

Not too long ago, someone said something to me in an email that cut me deeply. This person is someone I have never met personally, but we had been pen pals with for a while. We had gotten to know one another, and I thought we had become friends. We exchanged emails regularly and had some of the same interests. One day I went to send my daily email and had one from them basically telling me they were bored of our conversation, called me a horrible person who would never find anyone, and then blocked me. I was dumbfounded. I sat there with my mouth and eyes wide open for a while trying to catch my breath, wondering where that had come from. I had no way to contact this person to ask them what I had done to bring about such a reaction, since all I had was their email address, and my last message had come back to me, most likely blocked.  

I was devastated for weeks, not because I lost my pen pal, but because it really bothered me that a person could actually think something so horrible about me. Was I really what this person had called me? Maybe I was. I started to convince myself that I was this horrible thing that someone who had never met me, accused me of being. I started asking people who really know me. Everyone kept telling me that I was not, not even close. Then I wanted to know if this person really thought this about me or if they just felt a need to be cruel for some reason. This consumed me, but I didn’t know how to deal with it. I needed closure but there was no way to get it. One evening I was talking to a friend who was having a situation and I suggested he seek revenge. He said that wasn’t his style and that wasn’t the way to handle it. I apologized and told him my story and that I just felt I needed a little revenge. I expected a solution. I mean that is what men are known for, giving solutions, right? All he said was, “Let it go.” Very frustrating, I know. At first, I thought he was being dismissive of me. My response was to tell him I didn’t think he understood how badly this person had made me feel. His response: “Still, let it go.” I just sat there for a while and realized that he wasn’t being dismissive, that was the solution he was giving me. My anger started to calm as I thought about that. “Ok,” I finally replied, “I’ll try.”

I can’t say that I am completely over it, I am writing about it now, so I haven’t forgotten, but just having someone to calmly and plainly tell me to let it go gave me permission to do just that. I no longer have to prove to this person that I am not a horrible person and that I can find someone to love. I am no longer hurt by what was said to me. I do have strong feelings about it. I’m a bit angry that I opened up to them, and I pity them that they obviously didn’t get to know the true me, because I am a good person, and I am lovable. Most importantly, I have let them go and have moved on to better people in my life.

I think for most people, forgiving those who hurt us is doable. Sometimes it just takes some time. It is often more difficult to forgive those who hurt the ones we love. What I find to be more difficult yet, is to forgive myself for hurting someone. There are two incidents, both happened over twenty years ago, that still bother me. One I apologized for several times, though it was a situation I couldn’t do much about at the time, and I may have been forgiven for it, but I still feel bad. The other one, I don’t think anyone knows about, but I think I will always regret.

The first one was when I lived in Boston. A college friend asked me to be in her wedding. When she asked me, I told her I thought I could, but as it got closer, I had to back out. I had no money for the dress or the plane tickets to get there and back and all the other expenses, and my finals fell on the week of her wedding.  I just couldn’t think of a way to make it happen and wanted to make sure to give her as much time as possible to find someone else. I know it really hurt her and I felt horrible.

The second and worst one happened when I was stationed in Korea, I was sent on an exercise as a journalist, with another company. I knew no one in this company. One day while doing my job I was taking photos and walking around with my camera. I knew what I could and couldn’t take photos of, but an NCO started yelling at me and berating me, telling me to get away from military equipment with that camera. There was no one around to straighten him out about my presence, so I just left his group and went somewhere else. Later during the exercise, I witnessed this same NCO physically mistreat a young Korean soldier, and I was too scared to turn him in. I am pretty sure neither of them saw me, as I am pretty sure the NCO thought he was hidden from view of the camp, but I walked upon it happening. I have always wished I had reported him. The problem is, I didn’t know either of them, nor who to report it to, because I was basically out there alone. I have always felt horrible for that Korean young man that I failed. I was so happy to get on that Blackhawk and head back to headquarters and leave that place behind, but those memories will probably always haunt me. I’m having a hard time letting that one go.

A few years ago, I decided to stop making New Year’s resolutions and just ask God for help getting over any grudge I had been holding in my heart. I had several at the time. An amazing thing happened, I awoke the next morning with such a light feeling and I felt no hard feelings against anyone. It worked. I didn’t let them go, they just went, or He just took them away, I should say. There are people I don’t want to see and people I would rather not be around, but I can honestly say, I feel hate in my heart for no one. I believe I have forgiven everyone for everything they have done against me. My big sticking point is forgiving myself, and that is one I am still struggling with. I even told a good friend how important it was to forgive herself for something she was struggling with, but the struggle is real, and no one knows that better than me. So, I am going to work harder, because I think it is important to let it go. It is freeing. It takes such a load off one’s shoulders to feel content that you have done everything in your power to make things right and then turn it over to Him and get on with life.

I read that to celebrate National Let it Go Day, one should invite friends over to their home and enjoy themselves. By surrounding yourself with people you enjoy being with, you can forget your problems and the things in life that bring you down, and if just for a short time, you can let it all go.  So next June 23, plan some time with your best buds. Have a game night, a girl’s night out, hit the bowling alley or golf course, or whatever makes you happy and forget your troubles. Most importantly, let it all go for a while, or for good if possible. Negative feelings are heavy because we weren’t meant to hold onto them for long. We should carry them until they serve their purpose, then let them go. No one knew that April 10, was National Siblings Day until Facebook came along, and now every year everyone posts photos of their siblings. Let’s make National Let it Go Day a day to remember and spread the word. If for just one day, let’s let it all go and enjoy each other and enjoy life and forget or past and our troubles and count our many blessings we currently enjoy.

I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re

 experts at letting things go.

-Jeffrey McDaniel-